Monday, July 18, 2011

Letting Go and Trusting God

Even though apartment hunting is over, I continued to stress out about not having a job. This weekend it consumed all of my thoughts and made me begin to question my life in New York.

Scheduled to sign my apartment lease today, I allowed my weekend to become consumed with thoughts of how I have no job to pay for it. I began to question if I was even supposed to be in New York. Before I moved here I kept telling myself and my family God wanted me here. Then I started to think what if I just wanted to believe that He wanted me here so badly, I convinced myself of it and ignored what He was really trying to tell me. This thought led me on an emotional roller coaster.

If you know me at all, you know that I over analyze EVERYTHING, get stressed out easily (even though I do enjoy being stressed) and absolutely never cry. Well these nifty character traits of mine just about drove me crazy this weekend. 

I would start thinking about whether I was supposed to be in New York or not and want to start crying. I was so scared and had no clue what to do. I continually asked myself all sorts of questions like what if I don't ever get a job? What if I get a job and can't afford my apartment? What if I sign my lease and then realize God doesn't really want me to be here? What do I do if I realize I'm not supposed to be here? Instead of being thrilled after finding an apartment, all these questions kept running through my head. 

Yesterday when I was at Church different people talked about how God showed them signs for what He wanted them to do in their lives. I realized that this is what I needed. I needed a HUGE sign from God that could not be mistake in any way to show me what He wanted me to do. 

I had an appointment to sign my lease today so needless to say I needed that sign to come quickly. The Lord laid on my heart Joshua 1:9. It says: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

This morning I woke up wondering what God was going to show me. While still curious and scared, I went to a recruiter to help me find a job. He introduced me to a few different people in his office that had possible positions for me. I told him I was willing to do temporary work until I found a permanent job. He got me a job for tomorrow that will help, but it's only for one day and I don't get paid until next week. I still thought it was better than nothing though. 

I left his office feeling better. I stopped at the Starbucks around the corner to get my chocolate smoothie that I am pretty much living off of these days. As I pulled out my money a fortune that I had apparently saved forever ago fell out onto the counter. It read "Sometimes traveling to a new place leads to great transformation." While I am not one of those fortune people, I felt that God wanted me to read this. 

While sitting at a table, I checked my e-mail and read my quote of the day. (Yes my friends make fun of me all the time for getting a quote of the day, but it always seem to say the right thing when I need it.) The quote today was by Henry Ford. It said: "One who fears failure limits his activities. Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again." The next e-mail was from a company that wanted to schedule an interview with me this week. 

After so many things reassuring me about me living in New York and finding a job, I went to sign my lease. While I was at the brokers office, one of my brokers gave me the name of a guy who is opening a a hotel in Midtown and is hiring. He had already called the guy and spoke to him about me. I am supposed to go meet him later this week.

This again just continued to reassure me that I was fulfilling God's will for my life. I think sometimes God just tests us a little to make sure we rely on him during the good times and the bad. This entire day just reassured me that He always knows better than I do and I just need to follow the path he has laid out for me. I never know what will come from some of the temp jobs I have or from random people I meet. All I need to know is that God is in control and knows what's better for me than I do.

I'm excited to see how the rest of the week turns out. Maybe I will get a job this week, maybe I won't. All I know is that I am living in the Upper East side for at least a year and God will take care of the rest. 


  1. If you had told me this at Ninfa's (over margaritas, of course) I would have told you to stop over analyzing and relax :)

  2. This has been my favorite blog so far! I had a day like that too after questioning what God wanted for my life... He works in crazy ways, especially for those of us that over analyze everything! :) You know I'm always with you on that one, meggies! love you!