Tears

If you look up "tear" in the dictionary, the first definition that appears is: "a drop of the saline, watery fluid continually secreted by the lacrimal glands between the surface of the eye and the eyelid, serving to moisten and lubricate these parts and keep them clear of foreign particles."

If you ask me, this doesn't properly communicate the meaning of a tear. A tear can express many things. It can portray joy, heartache, pain, sadness, laughter, stress and much more. Often times tears come when we least expect them. This was the case for me the other night.

While, I will never think crying all the time is OK, I do think there are certain times in a person's life that letting a few good drops of saline form and fall out of your eyes is OK. Maybe it's your body's way to make you feel normal and remind you that you have emotions. That life can be tough and you will get through it.

The oddest part about crying for me is that it happens so rarely, that when I do allow tears to form in my eyes, I don't even know why it's happening. I will try and think if something specifically has happened to cause it and more often than not, I can't come up with anything.

The other night I hung up the phone after talking to my parents and silently cried in my bed so my roommate wouldn't hear. I couldn't figure out what it was, but at the same time I couldn't help myself. I hated not being able to control it or make myself stop each tear rolling down my cheek.

The worst part for me was not being able to pin point why it was happening. I prefer to be very rational and in control of my emotions and crying for no particular reason does not allow me to do this.

I laid there and thought about what it might be. Several different things ran through my mind of what might be the source of those dreadful tears. I thought maybe it was because I have to work two jobs and then I realized it wasn't that because I was the one who continually choose to do it. I thought maybe it was because I am unhappy with the weight I have gained and then I realized I was on a diet and being healthy. I told myself maybe it was that I was so exhausted and overwhelmed, but when I stopped to think about it, in all reality I wasn't and knew my life could be worse. 

So what caused me to cry? I'm still not sure why it happened, but in a small way I felt slightly relieved afterwards. Maybe it was everything over the past few months piling up and finally having to come out. Maybe I needed to release some stress and that was the only way my body knew how to react.

I do think having a moment where you allow your emotions, life and stress come to the surface and release it can be healthy. Maybe being able to express your emotions without having to explain them, is OK every once in a while. I don't plan on making this a habit, but maybe a few more emotional releases will help me better deal with everything in my life.